March 2019 | Mike Moores

MY NEIGHBOUR across the road refers to his wife as ‘dearly beloved’. This contrasts sharply with ‘ayatollah’ as a former colleague used to call his wife (what she called him is I’m afraid not printable!) After musing on this difference I wondered what other endearments might be used for our nearest and dearest, so I compiled a small list of names for him and for her, supplied by colleagues and friends.

For Him: Dead Leg, The fountain of all wisdom, himself, snotty clogs, Hitler, dear one. For Her: Bossy Boots, minister for war and finance, she who must be obeyed, the clerk of works, dear heart, my little flower.

If you feel so disposed the Gazette would love to hear from you with your pet name for your spouse. You may of course remain anonymous, however the Gazette cannot guarantee your safety!